Something amiss, something awry
From the banks of the Thames
To the banks of the Tyne
They cry those London boys
but never say why
Could it be that they want you even more than I?
You are down there, I’m up here and it stings
London stinks, and you know why

The London eye is not very high
Queen Mary never really died
London boys don’t need you like I do
Come home quick because I’m out of my mind
And a word to the wicked and a word to the wise
London stinks and you know why

Where the price of a drink makes you die of a thirst
And locals give tourists a wide birth
The bridge is so busy that it’s starting to kink
And the mayor is so mean that he’s acquired a squint
I’m out side of a dream looking in
And London stinks

Which one of us is crazy, which one of us is sane
She said “I’ve been to London, and it’s such a strange place”

Every sign there says ‘don’t spoil the grass’
‘don’t pick the flowers’ ‘always tip the cab’
London is under ceaseless attack
but the tower is guarded by an army of bats
If you can sit down long enough
I’ll tell you my beef
London stinks, and its none too cheap